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The “Holiday Season” isn’t technically over yet and I’ve still made some grave mistakes. As I look back over this last week, I wonder what I could’ve done differently. I found an article on Weight Watchers calling “Have a Holiday Game Plan” that lent me a lot of insight and I want to comment on where I went wrong and what I did right. (Any italicized portions are quotes from the WW article.)

1. Plan Each Day: “Face the season in a highly organized manner,” says New York Weight Watchers leader Liz Josefsberg. “There shouldn’t be a day where you don’t mentally and physically plan the way that you’re going to attack that day.” Have an overall goal for your holiday season weight loss, and remember to weigh yourself weekly. Understand that a weight gain one week does not mean failure.

Ok. Isn’t the saying, “Failure to plan is planning to fail”? Well, that would be me this last week. I attended 3 separate holiday dinners without any plan in place. I did not prepare myself daily by eating correctly during the day prior to said meal. And I did not have anything in place for when those yummy treats were set out to LIVE on the counter or table.

2. Offer to cook: “I will know exactly what goes into 95 percent of the holiday dishes I serve,” says WeightWatchers.com Community user JULES1012.

OK, as I was traveling this week, this was hard also. But I have one more celebration to attend that I can offer to bring something. Email has been sent to the host (you know who you are!) to see if there is a course/side/entree that she is missing that I can bring.

3. Keep track: Write down what you’re eating, even if you overdo it, no matter what goes into your mouth!

Tracking is very hard for me to do, because I find it tedious. I found mention in a magazine article this weekend about taking pictures of every single thing you eat to create a visual food journal. NOTE TO SELF: Look for more information on this idea.

4. Plan for treats: Allot POINTS® values for the cookies at the office and for the food gifts that people bring you. “The holidays are a preparation battle,” says Josefsberg, “because there are so many surprises. You have to constantly be on top of your game.”

I recognize that my main problem is my addiction. By allowing POINTS for treats, I set myself to fail, because my brain says, “Well, there are still 8 on that plate. If you eat them, you won’t have to worry about eating them tomorrow and messing the day up.” Of course, once I’ve eaten them, that messes everything up anyway, so then I eat the next plate and the next and the next, until there’s nothing left to eat. I don’t know if I would be able to plan for these treats without worrying about losing control. But if I don’t plan for them, I lose control anyway. I don’t understand why this is, why do I have this problem when millions in the world do not?

5. Add activity: By exercising you can earn extra POINTS values for the things you want to eat. Plus, it helps to get some fresh air. And, “any time I exercise, I feel that urge to continue eating well because I don’t want to ruin what good I’ve done,” offers JULES1012.

This past week: F. This coming week: goal = A. If I move a little each day this week, I am doing better than I did last week.

6. Bring food with you when shopping: If you find yourself hungry at the mall or in a department store, it can throw you off to not be able to find anything other than chocolate and fast food.

Now this is an interesting tip. I try to always bring some kind of snack with me, because inevitably, I will get hungry if I’m out too long.

7. Don’t go starving to parties: And follow the advice of WeightWatchers.com Community user CSUSUNSHINE: Fill up on fresh veggies (watch out for the dip); drink a glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have; take tiny portions; and if you crave something, eat it. Otherwise you will splurge.

As being part of an enabling family, there are not a lot of veggies in the first place. And eating beforehand doesn’t work, because I’ll keep eating even if I’m full. So, my task then is to bring the things that I can snack/graze on.

8. Give kudos to you! : “Applaud yourself for deciding this year will be different,” says Dianne Siegelbaum, another New York-based Weight Watchers leader. “When it comes time to make that New Year’s resolution, you will already be on your way to a healthier and happier springtime.” And reward yourself too! Find non-food-related rewards that you can treat yourself to for every pound lost.

This I can do. I do feel more confident, just by putting myself out there online, trying to document my struggles. But it makes me feel very vulnerable. But I am proud of myself at the same time.

OK, this was filled with more excuses than there should be.  New resolution: No Excuses.

I think I have an addiction.

I feel controlled by food. When am I going to eat next? What am I going to eat next? If there is food, it must be eaten until it is all gone, no matter how much is there. I eat in secret. I hide snacks to eat later when no one can see me. Descriptions of drug and alcohol addicts sound familiar to me, in how they describe feeling out of control and simply ruled by their addiction.

But what can be done about it? I can’t stop cold-turkey with eating, like you would with smoking or drinking. That would cause another host of problems. Food is necessary to live. But why must this abuse continue?

“ Food addiction is a contemporary term used to describe a pathological disorder; the compulsive, excessive craving for and consumption of food. This condition is not only manifested by the abnormal intake of food, but the intake and craving for foods that are, in themselves, harmful to the individual. While society and the medical profession have readily understood alcoholism and drug abuse, it is only in recent years that there is an equal acceptance of the fact that persons may be addicted to food in the same way. When any substance is taken into the body regardless of its potential for harm or in excess of need, that substance is said to be abused. Individuals who abuse substances in such a way are addicts; these persons become physiologically and mentally dependent upon certain substances, in this case food. …

“Food Addiction – Is There Any Hope for Recovery?
Food addiction is a serious condition with many adverse health consequences. Obesity, psychological disorders, diabetes, and gastric anomalies are just a few.

“The first step to recovery is, of course, the realization and acceptance of the problem. Medically, individuals must identify which foods — the trigger foods — cause allergic symptoms and cravings.

“There is no easy way to combat food addiction; it will require intense discipline in modifying eating patterns and lifestyle. A manageable exercise program should be embraced along with dietary changes that may be maintained. Ambitious attempts to change eating patterns abruptly or to lose weight quickly rarely have long-term success.

“The physiological and psychological dependency of food can best be broken when the individual recognizes that they are powerless to combat it alone. They must look to God, who alone is able to provide help and healing in this and all areas of human helplessness. “For I am the LORD who heals you” (Exodus 15:26b) God is as much concerned with our physical well being as He is with our spiritual relationship to Him. As an individual seeks Him, he will find health and healing and recovery. “Dear friend, I am praying that all is well with you and that your body is as healthy as I know your soul is” (3 John 2).” ~All About Life Challenges

I feel so lost. I am compelled to eat junk when there is junk in my presence. I am compelled to eat EVERYTHING that is set before me. I am compelled to sit and inhale bad nutrition.

But to change this, I must change my mindset first. This is an addiction. I am a food addict. I am a food abuser. I have only recently begun to recognize this. With God’s help, I hopefully will be able to conquer this addiction.

The more I read online, the more I think that I may have a food allergy of some kind, but how do I figure this out? I don’t really have the money to go and get a lot of expensive tests done. (Apparently, a food allergy can trigger a craving for the food you’re allergic to. Who knew?) I could try a Food Elimination Test and record how my body reacts to different things, but that is time-consuming. I just don’t know. But it would be helpful if there is something that I shouldn’t be eating.

Today is the first day. Is it the first day of the rest of my life, as the saying goes? Possibly. I’d hate to think that my life didn’t start before today, but maybe this is the start of the next chapter. And that chapter is a very very long one.

I’ve always been heavy. My entire life has been one long diet or weight loss struggle. And I’ll talk about that as this blog continues. But not today. Today is about the Why. Why am I doing this? Why now?

This is the Why. My family. My husband deserves to have a wife who is happy with who she is, who is healthy and fit, and who will take care of herself and her family. My daughter deserves to have a mother that sees herself as beautiful and models that behavior. She deserves to grow up in a household where junk is not the norm and a sedentary lifestyle is non-existent. She deserves to NOT have to do this on her own in 30 years. I want to learn that I am strong enough to do this on my own. That I am in charge of my life, and that I have the control to conquer my fears (more on that in another post).

I am considered Morbidly Obese (Definition: a person who is 100+ lbs over their ideal weight or has a BMI of 40+). MORBIDLY obese. MORBID = DEATH. In 2007, we suffered both a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. The doctor’s notes regarding my surgery with the ectopic indicated obesity as a contributing factor. While I don’t know how they know that, the fact that it was noted really bothered me. To think that I could have possibly caused that to happen, and thus almost caused my death. And according to the website by Obesity Action Coalition: The most common morbid obesity-related diseases include:

• High Blood Pressure
• High cholesterol
• Diabetes
• Heart disease
• Stroke
• Gallbladder disease
• Osteoarthritis
• Sleep apnea and respiratory problems
• Some cancers (endometrial, breast, and colon)

So, I could end up with cancer or diabetes or any number of conditions/diseases. And the 3 main contributors are behavior, environment and genetics. Well, I can’t do anything about genetics, unfortunately. But I can work on behavior and environment (and I’ll try to address each of these in future posts).

The How: I will weigh each week and measure once a month to keep myself accountable. Because I am still nursing, I will follow Weight Watchers program for Nursing Mothers right now. As she weans, I’ll reaccess. And I will strive to move every day. My goal will be a healthy 2# weight loss each week.

Day 1 Statistics:

Weight – 225#

BMI – 40

Measurements:

Chest: 50.5″

Waist: 41″

Hips: 50.75″

Right Thigh: 27.5″

Left Thigh: 28″

Right Arm: 15″

Left Arm: 15″

LONG TERM WEIGHT LOSS GOAL: 125 lbs (my healthy weight is between 121 and 135)

SHORT TERM WEIGHT LOSS GOAL: To lose 22 lbs – 10% of my current weight.

HEALTH GOAL: To eliminate that Morbidly Obese distinction from my record.