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Jason had the grand idea last night that if we’re going to have to be induced anyway, which is what it looks like, that we should try to see if we can it this week. That way, neither of us is worrying if the baby hasn’t moved for a few hours and we aren’t stressing out and I’m not in pain just waiting.

So, called the doctor this morning and she wants to wait until our appointment Thursday to see how things are “progressing”, and then if nothing has happened, we’re already scheduled for Monday anyway.

But now I’m frustrated. I just want it done.  It hurts to walk, it hurts to move, the baby is just rubbing against my pelvic bones.  But I want to walk so that maybe this will be done earlier. Or try anything and nothing is working.

So, I’m left with what can I do around the apartment? It’s pretty clean right now. Cleaner than it’s been in a long time.  So, I’m left with cleaning the office and to really do that I need a new shelving system for my scrapbook/craft stuff. I told Jason I was going to IKEA today to find something and he got mad, b/c that would mean I would be trying to lift stuff, which he still doens’t want me to do.  I’m just frustrated. I feel like I should’ve stayed at work. I’m useless at home.

But alas, unless something changes, probably won’t have the baby today.  Dr. appt this morning had very little to no change.  Did a non-stress test, which was normal.  Scheduled another non-stress test and dr’s visit for this Thursday.  Dr says if we have not had the baby by Thursday, we will schedule to be induced on Monday.  I’m of two minds about it. On one hand, I’m really uncomfortable and it would be nice to have at least 5 minutes where I’m not feeling the baby’s head against my pelvic bone.  On the other hand, if the baby is doing fine and there’s really no medical reason for it, I would rather NOT be induced.  This is what the doctor and I discussed today.  She said, however, that she wouldn’t let me go past 41 weeks, because then the placenta starts to get “old” and the baby does better “outside” than in.  I’m just worried about a) being induced before my body is really ready and then ending up needing a c-section because things haven’t progressed and b) because of being induced, being strapped to the bed for the entire labor. I really want to be able to move around, use hydrotherapy, etc etc.  But either way, within the next week we’ll get to meet our baby!  She said it’s not going to be a huge baby, probably just over 7 lbs.

Still no baby. Due date is Monday.  Have another appointment then.

Everything is the same as last week, according to the doctor today. No change. Could be today. Could be induced in 3-4 weeks.  I’m anxious to meet little Mr. or Miss.

I’m so glad I didn’t feel like this longer than I already have.  I don’t know hwo people do this.  I’m so uncomfortable all of the time.  I hate it. No sleep. Live in the bathroom. Can’t get comfortable. Contractions. But that’s all. No baby.

Today’s doctor’s visit was quicker than usual- which was good.  1 – 1.5cm dilated. 80% effaced for anyone who cares about that kind of thing.  That’s all.

And we still wait.

I like this doctor (my main one) more and more every time I see her. She has a great sense of humor.  Still no drastic change, but it could still be any time or not for another few weeks.  My mom says the baby should be smart enough to either come now or wait until she’s back from vacation (Labor Day)!  We’ll see, I guess. Have had some contractions, but nothing serious and nothing for longer than an hour.

Jason and I got our new Pack n’ Play out of the box, so that we knew how to set it up and take it down without too much difficulty.  (I will be using it the first time when I travel home for a baby shower in September after the baby is born. And I’ll be by myself!)  Neither of which were difficult, but the hardest part was putting the silly thing in its carrying case.  The bassinette piece caused the most problems and because that’s the piece I need right now, we had to include it.  I’ll be glad when we can leave that out.

Got online and looked at where we can get the car seat installation checked. So, Jason will do that sometime this week. We still need another base for the seat for our 2nd car. But that can wait a little while any way. Otherwise, I think we’re set. We went out and bought a few other “necessities” we thought we should have before the baby comes.

That’s what I get from the doctors. “Could be the next few days, or it could be several more weeks.” I don’t like that. Either say, “I don’t know.” or give me something more concrete. I’m so frustrated, I’m tempted to do little to no doctors next time. What does it matter if they don’t know?

I’m ready to have this baby born. I’ve really become physically uncomfortable the last few weeks and no one cares, because “everyone always feels that way.” Jason has relagated me to “couch potato status”, even though that now at 36 weeks, it doesn’t matter if the baby comes now or not, it would be ok.  And sitting is uncomfortable, even. It’s just hard to even breathe. But I keep getting the “stop whining” vibe from anyone I say anything to, so I try to not say too much. People ask and “I’m fine. Feeling good.”  I just wish the baby would come already.  I feel huge.

…well, baby Tigger may come earlier than planned.  Baby has dropped REALLY low pretty early and the doctor is worried that I won’t make 36 weeks, which is 2 weeks away!  But, everything should be ok, even if baby is born early.  Overdid myself last weekend with VBS and spent the rest of the week home on the couch.  We’ll reassess with the doctor tomorrow and we may either a) be on official bedrest until the baby is born, or b) doc will decide it’s ok for me to keep working my office job.  We’ll see.

I can’t believe we’re this far. Every week seems to be an accomplishment.

The baby is moving some every day, some days a LOT.  It makes me giggle and it helps me feel relaxed that I know it’s doing okay.

Have started our every-two-week doctor visits.  Everything was good this week; the baby had the hiccups when the doctor was listening for the heartbeat.  Sounded very funny!

We’ve signed up for our childbirth and breastfeeding classes, as well as a basic baby care class.  I thought this would help Jason a lot, because he’s never had the chance to take care of a little baby. Should have all of those taken by mid-August.

There are 2 showers being planned at the moment, and a third coming after the baby is born. So many things and so little room to store them in!  We were able to find a lot of things at some garage sales a few weeks ago, so our basics are almost covered.  And my mom’s clothing storage has outfitted us for quite some time.  My one friend is giving me a children’s book shower, which I’m very excited about. I have no books and can’t wait to start reading to the baby, even if they don’t know what I’m saying or what we’re doing yet.  We’re registered at Target and have an online registry (with a lot of retailers) on myregistry.com.

The only thing that I want to do that everyone tells me I’m crazy for even trying is that I want to do cloth diapers (which are not your mama’s diapers anymore! no pins for starters!). But I really want to try.  Mainly because of the environmental impact: I don’t use disposable napkins, kleenexes, anything – why would I use disposable diapers or wipes?  Oh well.  I can always change my mind later, but I really want to try.

OK, in reality I’m starting to freak out a bit.  One of my good friends just had a baby last week and I’m holding it the other day and thinking, “I can’t do this.”  I have no idea where that came from. I’ve grown up around babies; have taken care of them from birth; practically worked as a live-in nanny for my aunt and uncle; I know how it all works, from the feeding to the changing to the “jiggle walk” to everything.  I’ve done it all, just not given birth.  And here I am, ME, thinking there is no way that I’m prepared for this.  Oh well. I guess everyone feels that way.

Jason reassures me, which is hysterical, because HE is the one who hasn’t done ANY of that! He’d never even held a baby until he held my cousin when he was 6 months old back in 2002 (can’t believe Colin’s turning 6 next week). And he’s NEVER changed a diaper (says he’ll learn on our kid).

I can feel my body being more “stretched”, if that’s the word.  I look bigger to me, but not to anyone who didn’t know me “before.” I can’t find a comfortable position sleeping, and sometimes even sitting, and I get winded very easily.  I feel so big and out of shape and it’s only going to get worse. Sometimes it feels like Tigger is having his/her own little party in there, with all the moving.  It makes me laugh.

Oh, well. It will all be fine in the end.