Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Wish I could adhere this to my forehead.

Had some spotting last night that caused me some alarm - enough to go to the ER.  Spoke to the doctor on the way and she said if it would make me sleep better to go ahead, otherwise to wait until the morning and come into the office.  We went to the hospital.  Luckily, we were able to get an ultrasound fairly quickly, all things considered, and heard the baby’s heartbeat.  The tech said that everything looked ok - 2.1 cm and 167 bpm, almost what we saw on Friday.

It was so exhausting and I was afraid to even think about it. Even the doctor and Jason said I sounded very calm.  But I kept telling myself I couldn’t think about it. I wouldn’t think about it. Because every time I did, I wanted to cry.  Was this because I drank those 2 cups of herbal tea, before I realized they had chicory in them, which isn’t good for pregnancies? Did I do something wrong? I’ve been so careful.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose this one, too. Is something wrong with me? Why can’t I just be normal? And it makes me hate every pregnant woman out there.  And I can just see everyone looking at me, thinking “God, what’s wrong with her? Why does she keep losing all these babies?”

Made an appointment in the doctor’s office for Wednesday morning, a follow-up to the hospital visit. It may be the only visit this week, or it may be an additional one to the Friday visit. I’ll know Wednesday afternoon.